We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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