someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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