You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize