my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
