just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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