You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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