Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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