can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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