I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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