is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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