i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What drink are we having for lunch?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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