Will you blow on my dice?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
