I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
