Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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