Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
