just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
