he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
