I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
