Got a toothbrush?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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