Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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