Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
