Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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