so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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