dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
