I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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