I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
