apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize