Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
