went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
how does that bad decision feel?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
