I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
