Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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