Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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