I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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