based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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