Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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