Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
