Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have demons in me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
