K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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