yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
