Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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