i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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