Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
