ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
