dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is the high leading the old right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
