I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
