remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
