I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
