brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
