try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize