this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
