I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize