I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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