ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
