I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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