Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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