Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
