did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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