I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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