wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
