Redeem this text for a blowjob
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
