Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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