Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
