I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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