would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
