I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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