I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
