btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ugly people sure do ruin things
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
