True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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