i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
