SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
