IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
