Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
