Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
