he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize