Your face is a jimmy john
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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