kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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