So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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